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Rate your satisfaction (or dissatisfaction) with me...
Grin
timoran
*blows dust off LiveJournal*

This platform is what I'll have to use, since I need to be able to make a long post and gather anonymous comments.

TL;DR version: Comment and tell me about anything I've done that makes you dislike me. Be specific and tell me how to fix it.

What brought this post on? I found out today that a lot of people have a problem with me and the way I conduct myself. Although I was suspicious that people might have a problem with me, nobody had ever respected me enough to tell me about it until today.

This is causing people to not hang out with me at social functions, not invite me to parties/dinner, and even people I've considered good friends lied to me about why they didn't hang out with me or respond to my messages. There's got to be a reason behind it, and enough people have a problem with me, that I'm willing to accept it's a problem with me.

I know a few people who just have a bad attitude and don't treat people right, and they refuse to accept that they have a problem and take feedback. I have no desire to ever see these people and avoid them whenever I can. So, I don't want to be one of these people and I need help to fix it.

Anonymous comments are allowed. I will unscreen once I verify it's not spam and it has to be a legitimate complaint. What I mean is, you have to identify a specific thing I have done wrong and tell me how I can improve myself. If you just say I'm a jerk that won't do me any good.

I especially want to hear from anyone who specifically avoided me or did not interact with me at a con or meet, because of something I've done. It's clear to me that I'm not welcome with many people at their parties and dinners and I want to know why that is. I know that when I get snubbed once that gets me in a bad mood and sets the tone for the rest of the day/weekend. I can take rejection but it's often the manner in which it's served (ignored texts, being told lies by people I trust, etc.) that really gets me angry. I'm not sure what to do about it.

Please - comment and tell me: What is it about me that rubs you the wrong way?

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Hi :-)

Well I just saw your profile on F.A (my user name is "Mind-Robber"....though I only steal the minds of trolls and spammers) and I just started watching you-even though you moved to Sofurry. I've only been online for 5 months--so I have been exploring a bit and only found your profile recently.

Anyway, I think you seem like a very nice person and I like that fursuit :)

As for being suspicous, that's perfectly understandable, everyone is cautious when meeting new people, so don't be ashamed. You haven't done anything to make me dislike you--even not relpying to comments on F.A --I understand that some people are busy, or have moved on to other sites-there is a lot of drama on F.A :(

Having just met you, I don't think I'm the best person to answer :/, so this comment is probably a waste....but from what I see, I like you :)

It's that even when I make an effort to talk to you and include you, you have no interest in responding. You've got your nose in your technology half of the time. So I gave up. Your personality is fine with me, I don't understand why people hate you so much, but you are just very off-putting and anti-social in your behavior, from what I've seen of you.

zekulapdragon and maluki from furaffinity speaking. I only just watched you, so you haven't done anything to rub me the wrong way yet. I understand your frustration with people not telling you that you have a problem. If you don't get feedback, how do you improve? Anyway, I hope that the ones who call you their friend step up and tell you when you are being a dick instead of hiding behind the facade of politeness.

One way you can try and see if you are being a dick is to imagine you are seeing somebody say and do the same or similar things to the stuff you do. Would it irritate you are put you off? Anyway, if you are being a dick to me, you can definitely count on a direct confrontation ;3

There is nothing specific that you did against me, though that is mostly because you and I don't really hang out together because of distance. if I'm lucky, I see you at a con.

So if I can't be specific, I'll be vague. I'm at work, so I can't form a concise post that is direct and to the point. You can either accept what I say, or ignore it.

I remember enjoying the time i spend with you. But I see frequently on your twitter feed a very negative attitude. It's only vague instances. You mention that you're not having any fun fursuiting, or not having fun at a con, or you hate the reg line, or the food sucks. Gee, does this guy like 'anything'? He must be a pain in the ass to be around.

I understand frustration at how dumb things can be sometimes. We've all been there. You need somewhere to vent, and sometimes twitter seems like the best place for that. But, it can harm other's people's view of you. Constant negative attitude will push people away, even close friends. Only the closest friends will become irritated by your behavior enough to call you on it and tell you to quit that shit. The rest will slowly fade from your view.

I've been there. I've long had a reputation of being a bitchybird, a grumpybird, a crankybird. There were a couple years that I got very little social interaction at all because I was pushing people away with my negative attitude.

How do you change it? It ain't easy. You need to balance the negative with the positive. I rarely see you say anything 'good' that happens. And there has to be some good sometimes. Negative comments are going to outweigh positive comments by a long shot, so you have to be very careful when you make your negativity public.

I'm no counselor. I still have to fight the bitchybird reputation because I'm still negative, but I really do try to see the good parts about my life around me. Life is not all bad. And quite a lot of the bad stems from my own choices. Those I can change. I don't have a right to bitch about my own choices except to call out my own behavior and admit my stupidity to everyone around me. That's acceptable, in that self-exposure will usually mean you have a desire to change that which you are bitching about.

There's also a lot of bad shit that goes on that I can't change. Society is full of that shit left and right. Just turn on the news and see all the bullshit going down in the world. I do my best to not let that get to me. It ain't easy. At the very least, you need to try to ignore all the crap you can't control. Doing nothing and accepting it is better than doing nothing and bitching about it. Feel free to 'do' something about it, but just bitching about it really does no one any good. So I choose to ignore that bullshit as much as I can.

Humor is important. If you just need to bitch about some bullshit going down, at least make it funny. Don't make it snarky. Comedians vent their frustrations at society all the time and they make it funny. You can do some of that, too.


TL;DR : Mellow out. Life is too short to rage against the wind every step of the way.

PS: Read 'How to Make Friends and Influence People'. It's an easy read, and it remains as true today as it did in the 1930s.


Since you sincerely want constructive criticism I'll give it my best shot what I believe is the good and needs improvement. :)

Satisfaction: A straight-shooter. If you say something then I have full confidence you mean what you say. You give the impression of being businesslike in the manner of how you handle things, logical, straightforward, organized. Businesslike. This is partly evident on your FA page where and how you keep track of furry cons, as well as other things. I think this reflects a lot about your character. Trustworthiness.

Dissatisfaction: I mentioned this to you the first day I met you. I misspoke at first saying you're difficult to get ahold of, then rephrased it to correctly say it's difficult to get social interaction from you other than brief, often concise responses. Since I also avoid some online contacts to some extent I cannot hold that against you. It's normal for anyone especially when you first meet someone. And some people like to IM chat, others like face time only. I know both types. But I do have the distinct impression that having a "warm" conversation with you is difficult. You don't come across as a warm person. Friendly, yes. Warm, not so much. I'm not saying you have the personality of an android (overly machine-like), but it kinda leans in that direction. Hope that's not too harsh for me to say. Part of me wants to delete that part, I'll keep it in for now. God knows I've got enough faults to overshadow any you may have! So. We all have things that need improvement. People. We complicate things. :)

I believe you're an awesome guy and I look forward to knowing you better.

You know me as Falamon.
Satisfaction: You come off as a nice person, and are very warm and welcoming to someone new, who might even approach you a little awkwardly

Dis-satisfaction: Tried saying hi a couple times, and you came off a little cold asking if there was a point in me saying hi, when I was just wondering how you were doing, and wanted to make sure you ride home went well from the con.

I do believe you are a nice person, and cute. *smiles* I think all of us become a bit jerkish at times, tired of people wanting to get close to us just because we have a suit, or because of our endowments. It gets hard to ruffle through the trash, and find a genuine article. *offers you a hug* I wouldn't avoid you and hope to become a better friends with you. I hope this helps dragon *nose bumps from a wolf*

I had previously sent this via note (because I wanted discretion for both of us)

I don't see any negative issue with you- If I did, I'd take you aside, and talk to you directly and privately. No need to embarrass you or myself. Because friends don't hurt one another either publicly or privately in gossip circles. I've had my share of being hurt too.. And I would love to invite you to have dinner with me, but my inner shyness I guess has always put me on the proverbial "back burner".. or I think you're too busy with others..I'm not one to push myself into ppls lives.. I'm not saying you're a bad furson here.. I try to be there for everyone too.. as I have been told I am a lover, not a hater.. I have a nary a grudge in my body for anyone. It's mostly my hope that I never hurt you, even though I have seen you 2 times last year, AC and MFF.. by reading your posts, you seem like a real nice guy that I can now finally say I can approach and have a nice chat with you sometime on Skype or at a con.. I'd post this on your LiveJournal, but since I am not addressing a complaint about you, I just wanted to address how I feel why I haven't been talking to you is mostly because of me, not you.

*addition*
I've not heard what others have said about you, and even if I did, I still would tell them to approach you directly with their grievances about you, am not the type of person to engage in gossip, because its not the right thing.. If they still insisted, I'd go up to you and tell you who was saying stuff against you, I'd do that for anyone..

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